drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
