I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
