I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
