there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
