I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
