I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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