Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
