I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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