I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
