i think my mom watched the whole time
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
that may or may not have been my penis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
