I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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