I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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