Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
