I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
