I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
