i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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