I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
