So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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