Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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