So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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