Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
