is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
