my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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