Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
don't judge my taste in strippers
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
