sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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