i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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