belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
