Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
