He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
