Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize