At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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50% drunk capacity currently
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
