I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
