I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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