why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
