just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
