My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
