So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
