Screwed.edu
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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