One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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