Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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