If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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