It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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