I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
