Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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