I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
