She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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