there's paper in my vomit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
