if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
