remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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