Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
