she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
