now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We have started to decorate penises.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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