No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
