I heard we made out
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
