ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
