ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
