You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
