He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want a musical about memes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
