walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So much rum. So many feels.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
