im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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