are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
