he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
