Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
