I wish my penis had an off switch
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
