Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize