we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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