dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
