When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
