you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize