like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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