if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
