you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
