I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize