I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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