I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
