am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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