There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
