And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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