isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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