The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
