Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im part way to drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
