I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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