Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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