No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
