So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
