so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
