This is not my ceiling
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
