Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
