I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
