Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
