My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
