Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
