just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
