i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize