you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
