So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
