Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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