yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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