Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
