and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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