Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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